when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
