birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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