I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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