Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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