Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
