my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
