so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
