Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
