Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
