Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
