so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
