I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
