He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
