I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I enjoy the company of your penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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