After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
