oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
