I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
