just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
