its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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