Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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