1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no, he came in my armpit
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
