soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
