Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
