I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
