Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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