dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
