Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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