The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
