If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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