composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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