We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
