i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
