wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
