guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize