dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
