i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
