it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
