u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
