I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
