We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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