I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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