ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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