if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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