Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
