So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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