Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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