what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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