i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
