peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up under a house in Key West
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