I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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