So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
