That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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