My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
