i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
