i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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