No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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