Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
