I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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