How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
