I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize