I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
