I wish I could teleport
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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